News
Scientists Have Created A Portal To An Alternate Timeline Where Myspace Never Went Away!
The day has finally arrived. After years of research and development, scientists have finally created a portal to an alternate timeline where Myspace never went away.
President Biden Passes Executive Order To Mandate Everyone Must Wear Comfy Fuzzy Socks At All Times!
President Biden has just passed an executive order mandating that all citizens must wear comfy fuzzy socks at all times. This new order has come under fire from critics, who say that it makes no sense and is a waste of money.
Elon Musk Reveals New Ultra Mega Future Truck That Is Powered By Tweets!
Elon Musk has always been one to think outside the box and push boundaries. His latest innovation is a new truck that is powered by tweets
Rumpelstiltskin Has Been Rescued From A Central Washington Cartel!
For years, Rumpelstiltskin has been forced to turn all the hay into gold for the cartel. But finally, he has been rescued!
Thousands Stuck In The Potato Dimension After Accidentally Taking The Wrong Pill To Escape The Matrix!
Instead of escaping the Matrix, those who took the Orange Pill are now stuck in the Potato Dimension.
Everett Washington Man Arrested For Running Away Naked Into the Woods With A Stolen Urinal From Local Restaurant!
On Wednesday night, an Everett man was arrested for fleeing naked into the woods after stealing a urinal from a local restaurant. According to police, the man said he needed to do this in order to save our souls.
Animal Rights Activists Argue That People Need To Use A Real Mouse Instead Of Their Computer Mouse!
Animal rights activists have long argued that people should use a real mouse instead of their computer mouse. They say that using the word “mouse” to refer to a computer mouse is insensitive, as it implies that real mice are not worthy of consideration
Nuclear Facility Workers In Seattle Are Turning Into Zombies Due To Nuclear Waste Leaking Into The Toilets!
On the fateful day of January 23rd, workers at a Seattle-based nuclear facility made a gruesome discovery. Upon flushing their toilets, nuclear waste began to leak out - and when it made contact with their skin, they instantly turned into zombies.
Controversial Law Passed In Oregon Mandating Hippies to Shower More!
Supporters of the law argue that something needs to be done about the smell of hippies in Oregon.
Morgan Freeman Has Confirmed That He Is Actually God!
When Kimmel pressed him on whether or not he was actually God, Freeman paused for a moment before finally saying, "Yes, I am."
Bridge Trolls Are Reporting Less Pollution In The Streams And Rivers!
According to recent reports, bridge trolls are claiming that they are seeing less pollution in the streams and rivers than they have in years past.
Elvis Came Out of Hiding to Expose That Taylor Swift is a Humanoid Drone Controlled by Reptilians!
Elvis has come out of hiding to reveal that Taylor Swift is a humanoid drone controlled by reptilians. In our exclusive interview Elvis, he claimed that he has been tracking Swift’s movements for years and he is convinced that she is not of this world.
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