BREAKING NEWS: Elixir Of Life Found In Underground Seattle!

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Mass reportings are coming in of individuals going into Seattle’s underground tunnel system and coming out cleaner, healthier, and younger than before. Local tunnel resident Bill told us that he had no idea that the stream he has been using as his restroom all these years is actually the elixir of life. Some speculate that the source of this elixir may actually be Bills urine.

The effects of this elixir are said to be instantaneous and long-lasting, with people reporting feeling 10 years younger after just one drink. Some have even claimed to have seen the effects of this elixir extend to their physical appearance, with wrinkles disappearing and grey hair turning dark again.

While the effects of this elixir seem to be purely positive, some are cautioning against drinking it without knowing more about its origins. Bill himself is unsure of where the elixir came from, and how it ended up in the underground stream. Until more is known about this mysterious elixir, it may be best to approach it with caution.